Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Your wasted future by rayn44 Your wasted future by rayn44
"What the… W-who the hell are you?!" shouted Aira-ty pointing her gun at the strange apparition. But it looked so real.
"I’m your wasted future. The one who you should have been."
"What kind of stupid joke is this?!"
"The Force is still with you. And this place is the Force itself. So could I find my way to you. You should know that you’re wasting your abilities because of your selfishness. So many people live out in the galaxy who would need your help, but you turned your back. Just as you turned your back on your master, and the order, who trusted you. You betrayed them." said the apparition on a disenchanted voice.
"I didn’t betray anyone!" shouted Aira-ty upset. "I just chosed to live freely! I’m not responsible for the jedi or anyone else in this galaxy! Only my family and friends are who I care about. And I don’t owe you any explanation so, get lost before I figure out whether you’re bulletproof or not!"
"I hope you won’t regret your choice…" said the apparition before it disappeared.
"I can assure you about that."


Here's a far-far more professional writing for this scene, you won't regret to read it! ^^ Star Wars: Wasted Future
 Aira-ty stumbled and rolled, banging her head against the sides of the tunnel as she tumbled downards. She was finally spat out, landing flat on her ass, in a small cave lit by blue glowing crystals.
“Ow.” she muttered, rubbing her butt. “Jango? Jango can you hear me?”
Her comlink gave her nothing but static and she cursed as she removed her helmet. Just her luck. Reaching down, she pulled out a glowstick and began examining the cave. Aside from the crystals there was nothing of interest—wait—she jerked the light around and froze as a face peered at her from out of the gloom. Her face.
“Wh—w


Well, this is a stupid alternate pic which of course connected to the Mortis arc. I always thought that it would be a great scene if Aira-ty sees what could she become if she didn't leave the Jedi order. But technically I never planned to place her in that arc she doesn't fit there, that arc is about Anakin and those who are important to him so, this is just an alternate concept. Oh and as always sorry for the poorly written shitty story... ^^""" I doubt my English will ever be good enough to write fanfics... -____-"""
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbronybuilder14:
Bronybuilder14 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, considering I've seen snippets of the Imperial AU, something is telling me the apparition might have been more right than Aira-ty would like to believe. Perhaps, or maybe I'm just speculating.
Reply
:iconrikuthedragonslayer:
Rikuthedragonslayer Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Looks amazing
Reply
:icongalaxyseernumber9:
GalaxySeerNumber9 Featured By Owner May 30, 2013  Professional General Artist
WOW~ This is absolutely amazing! :D
Reply
:icondaikithewolftic:
DaikiTheWolfTIC Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
Holy... wow!

Iner-conflicts are baaaad news!!
Reply
:iconsleepyiguana:
SleepyIguana Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student General Artist
O.O Soooo cooooool...
Amazing job on everything here. oUo I love the glowing stones in the background and how flowy the apparition's clothes are.
Reply
:icontipsutora:
Tipsutora Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
A.W.E.S.O.M.E !!! Very cool! :DD
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww thank you! :>
Reply
:icontipsutora:
Tipsutora Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconadamant543:
AdamAnt543 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
:O_o:..... MY MIND! *brain explodes*
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha x'3
Reply
:iconabbycatwolff:
AbbyCatWolff Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student General Artist
This is so cool!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! :>
Reply
:iconbret13:
BrET13 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Omg ez rohadt jó lett!! *A* :heart:
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww köszi szépen! ^^ (végül csak befejeztem :P )
Reply
:iconmandospartangirl117:
mandospartangirl117 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love it!
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm happy! ^^
Reply
:iconsenatortano:
SenatorTano Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
this is such a clever idea! Poor aira-ty-Id be scared too!
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! :> Yeah me too!
Reply
:iconsenatortano:
SenatorTano Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconriptor25:
Riptor25 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I enjoy your writing style. As for your English, there's always beta readers around to help finalize a piece of writing. I for one would like to see some fanfics from you! Heck, if you really couldn't find anyone, I'd be willing to beta read your stuff.
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! Yes I know that there are beta readers but I don't know... People usually volunteer but I just don't want to make trouble for them. .___."" I know I'm weird... ^^"" Maybe once I'll get myself to write something in English.
Reply
:iconriptor25:
Riptor25 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^^ Well if you ever do decide to do a fanfic, I'd be more than willing to beta-read your work. lol I'm a teacher; proofreading is no trouble at all.
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha ok, thank you! ^^
Reply
:iconriptor25:
Riptor25 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
^^ no prob!
Reply
:iconvaderboy:
vaderboy Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Nah,ő is eljutott a Mortisra?:)
Am mit gondolsz a Maul által vezetett mandik páncéljáról?:)
Reply
:iconispeakmuzik:
Ispeakmuzik Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow, this is very neat!! I would freak out too!!
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! : ) Haha indeed! x'D
Reply
:iconispeakmuzik:
Ispeakmuzik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Anytime!~
Reply
:icongiorgia99:
Giorgia99 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
It's really amazing :D And don't worry 'bout your English ... it's still perfect to me :glomp:
I'm not English too, so ^^
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! ^^
Reply
:iconmalovence:
malovence Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Hey, you do good work. And i'm pretty sure you could write a decent fanfic. you just need some practice and someone to help you get started. [link] That's my fanfic stories account. Take a look at some of older material and compare to my latest chapters. there is a VERY large gap in quality.
I really like this story but i've been out of the starwars EU verse a bit. if i have your permission, and if i could get a lot of help from you, would it be ok to try and write a bit of fanfic story for you?
Make a collab story then eventually once you think you can do it on your own, turn over to you completely.
that is, if you are ok with it?
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! Of course, practice makes the master. : ) But I'm lack of a lot of knowledge about the language so I'm able to write only simple sentences so far. ^^"""
Of course, I'm always more than happy to give permission for such actions. ^^ If you have any idea just write me a note and feel free to ask, I'll try to give you a proper answer. :>
Reply
:icondragonpud:
DragonPud Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
your English is perfectly fine, the story compliments the artwork perfectly :} I love both
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm really happy you like it! ;w;
Reply
:icondragonpud:
DragonPud Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hehe
Reply
:iconlixadry:
Lixadry Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
amazing drawing!!
you´re a super fantastic drawer :D
keep on
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aww thank you! ;w;
Reply
:iconlixadry:
Lixadry Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013
you´re welcome :D
Reply
:iconanidoriclonewriter:
anidoriclonewriter Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No please, you are great. Awsome pic! I love it!
Reply
:iconspartan2016:
Spartan2016 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Wheard but cool I like it
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! : )
Reply
:iconspartan2016:
Spartan2016 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013
No prob
Reply
:iconsomeone-1997:
Someone-1997 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Cool ^^
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks! ^^
Reply
:iconcandle13:
Candle13 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That looks great!
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you! ^^
Reply
:iconcolonel-azzameen:
Colonel-Azzameen Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Oh, she turned her back on the order. Gee, I wonder why.
People in the galaxy could use her help? Psh, she's in a better position to help now than she was before.
Jedi don't help, they just sit in their temple and look thoughtful. "This is bad... Oh well, time to think about what I want to order for lunch!"

And let me tell you that you seem to have a better grasp of the English language than some native speakers. I'm serious.
I'll just give you two pointers, to further improve your writing.
1. The line "... figure out that you're bulletproof..." The "that" should be replaced by "whether" or "if".
2. Past tense for "choose" is "chose", and the passive for it is "chosen", like in "The Chosen One"
Hope that helped.
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha I so agree with everything you wrote! x'3

And thank you so much for your advices, I used them. : )
Reply
:iconcolonel-azzameen:
Colonel-Azzameen Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013
Oh, I can rant for ages about the Jedi of the Prequel Trilogy.
That's why I do Mando cosplay.
Get stuff done by pointing a big gun at people's faces.
Reply
:icondoc987987:
Doc987987 Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013
YES, character development! Freaking love it!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×




Details

Submitted on
February 19, 2013
Image Size
636 KB
Resolution
1500×1200
Link
Thumb
Embed

Stats

Views
5,908
Favourites
226 (who?)
Comments
108
Downloads
35
×