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Torn

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Kallora

Kallus couldn't sleep, Grand Admiral Thrawn's clear threat didn't let him rest. He was sitting on his bunk wondering about his chances. A small moan made him look behind him, the tiny figure of the redhead woman just increased his bad feeling. He watched as Tora slept wearing his shirt which was especially big for her. Kallus couldn't help on the sad smile appearing on his face, the excuse the woman gave him being "lazy" to dress up into her own uniform amused him greatly, he didn't know anyone on the base who the word lazy would fit to less than her. It also had it advantages and disadvantages too to put on this shirt the next day, it was pleasant to have her scent with him during the day but the other officers' odd glances at him having a woman's parfume on him was less funny... But the thought that moments like this could come to an end because of his decisions in life made him feel torn. He turned away again mulling on his actions. He saw the Empire in a different light now, he served for long years thinking his efforts will lead them to something good, a more secure world, where order was the norm and not crime and corruption but now after he looked into the matters deeper he saw the sobering truth. The Empire wasn't what he believed it was. Their cold indifferent manner towards their own men who gave their lives for their cause was another low blow, and Kallus realized he can't serve them anymore, moreover he developed the desire to work against them from this point using his status to his advantage and it happened like this that he became a Fulcrum agent giving information to the rebels. Risking his life wasn't new for him it didn't exactly worried him, what made his heart clench was the woman sleeping next to him. He knew she still believed in the Empire, she still worked hard to serve it the best she could and betraying her was the most painful in his actions. If he could convince her to see the Empire as he does now... But this would endanger her even more... If he gets caught she already could find herself in trouble being associated with him. Kallus sighed deeply being absolutely clueless what to do, not knowing how to solve this situation. Probably he should just take Tora and vanish with her till he can yet...    

Tora woke up to an odd feeling, she never thought something like this ever will be able to bother her that much as to wake her but here she was reaching out to make sure she was laying alone in bed. When her hand touched an empty mattress Tora drowsily opened her eyes to look for the man she went to sleep with and didn't have to search for long, Kallus was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back towards her. Her sleepiness quickly vanished as worry gripped at her.
"Why aren't you sleeping? Is everything ok?" sat up Tora.
Kallus turned his head towards her.
"Nothing to worry about, go back to sleep." he said gently.
"Was it a nightmare?" asked Tora knowing her lover still woke up sometimes in cold sweat after revisiting his traumatic experience with his first unit. She immediately felt guilty for not noticing it sooner so couldn't comfort him when Kallus shook his head.
"No, I'm ok I was just... thinking."
"Thinking?" Tora still couldn't get rid of her worry, if someone wakes up in the middle of the night to think... "W-what happened? Did someone tell you something? It was that awful woman right?"
On Kallus face appeared a sad smile. It showed clearly how biased and upset Tora was when it came to him, talking like this about a higher ranking person.
"It was Pryce! She has no right to talk to you like that! She says rude things despite she didn't make more progress than you at all! She and Grand Admiral Thrawn just showed up thinking they know everything better but they have no more success stopping these rebels than—"
To Tora's surprise Kallus reached out and pulled her into a tender kiss. She blinked in confusion and once her lover let go of her she asked.
"Why did I get this?"
Kallus chuckled.
"To silence you." And just when Tora opened her mouth indignantly with red cheeks he added. "And because you're cute when angry." The woman's face became even darker and Kallus really achieved to silence her with making her too embarrassed to talk.
"I'm just worried about you..." she murmured finally barely audible not looking into her man's eyes.
"I know." answered Kallus affectionately. "But I'm fine don't worry."
From his tone Tora knew he didn't tell the truth but why? He didn't trust her?  She bit her lip not knowing if she should pry further but then thought that if there's something troubling him who else will support him if not her?
"I know you're not!" she turned on her lover again determinedly. "You think I can't see you being troubled and worried all the time? Lately you act so odd... I don't know what's wrong but you should let me help you, you know that I'm on your side and will always be."  she could see on Kallus' face that her words genuinly surprised him, maybe even scared him...? She wasn't sure because of the dim light in the room, though it wouldn't make much sense, would it? Then Kallus turned his gaze from her with a torn expression and answered only a few seconds later.
"Are you... Are you sure what we're doing is right?"
Tora's heart missed a beat. Is it right...? The room turned around her in a second as her blood ran cold.
"Y-you mean us...?" she asked on a dead voice. "You want to break up?"
Kallus turned towards her so quick his neck cracked audibly.
"WHAT??" he snapped rubbing his neck. "No! Space, Tora... No, how did this even come to your mind...?"
Relief washed over Tora just to give place to her embarrassement.
"I-I don't know..." she stuttered. "You just questioned if we're right doing this and... I thought you mean us... I mean you know... since you act different lately..."
Kallus sighed holding his head.
"No, I meant the Empire. That you still think what we're doing will lead to anything good...?"
Tora stared at Kallus for long seconds with a ponding heart, her thoughts chasing each other in her head. Why is he asking this? Something must have happened. Why else would he ask this? He doesn't believe in their cause anymore? How could she answer this question? She had times when she thought the Empire waited too much from her, missions she desperately wanted to forget... But she still worked hard and even harder because she believed that her efforts and sacrifices will lead them to somewhere. Kallus did think the same way, at least so far...
Tora still looked at Kallus who now turned back to her watching her reaction while waiting for an answer.
"Why are you asking this?" was all Tora could manage.
"You wanted to know what was on my mind."
"But why? Did something happen? If it was Pryce—"
"Not only her. Just think about how we're being treated all the time. With prejudice and cold indifference... We're only expendable pawns."
"We're in the military." answered Tora shaking her head as she felt something is very wrong here.
"I thought you're over this nonsense already!" snapped Kallus with sudden anger making Tora recoil. "Just because we're in the military shouldn't mean we have to be empty obedient puppets who don't care about anything or anyone!" 
"I care..." muttered Tora quietly which calmed Kallus.
"I know." he said and pulled the redhead woman into his arms. "I know, you're just taking your work too serious."
Tora despite being in Kallus' arms which since they were together always made her feel safe and at ease, now didn't feel comforting at all. She felt something changing and it scared her.
"As you did once..." she said quietly but didn't dare to ask more, she was too scared to know the truth now and tried to bury again the doubts which came to the surfice after this talk, certain happenings being visible in a different light, signs becoming more evident... No, she didn't want to think about it, they were both fighting for a better, more secure world ever since they knew each other and they will keep doing it, keep working hard for what they believe in. Keep serving the Empire.

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*takes deep breath* I'M SORRY FOR THE LONG TEXT. (also for my mistakes butchering the language) I wanted to write a LITTLE scene for this pic as an explanation but it became a little too long... ^^""" As Rebels goes Kallus became Fulcrum 2.0 which isn't the greatest news of my lovebirds... Originally I didn't want to go to this direction myself but I still could place this in my story tho it makes it a bit even more angsty than it is already... ^^"" I don't envy Kallus here, it took him years to get this woman and now his beliefs in the Empire shook and he's being torn between his new affiliations and the woman he loves who is still loyal to the Empire... *sigh* Also this scene portrays their relationship perfectly, Tora is more relaxed around Kallus but still has her insecurities and always thinks about the worst... (my poor pessimist girl) while Kallus is totally the dominate one despite he can become a lovely goof too (when he isn't being depressed and worried) (and he gives huge warm bear hugs). 
The scars you see on Kallus are from the Onderon incident which I mention in the snippet too, I head canon him injuring in the blast getting a shrapnel. 

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Swtorgamer's avatar
How did kallus get those scars?