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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Premium Member Rayn26/Female/Hungary Groups :icona-galaxy-of-our-own: A-Galaxy-of-Our-Own
 
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A new year, feels, personal unhappy stuff

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 6, 2015, 5:03 PM
  • Mood: Lonely
  • Listening to: LotR OST
  • Reading: SlingBlade87's killer works
  • Playing: Angry Birds
  • Eating: Télifagyi
At first, my new journal header's image is from the brilliant KaelaCroftArt I wanted to use it some time now but was too lazy to make the header heeh.


Ok, it'll be a bit long winded and full with my usual whining and stuff, so feel free to skip this journal, you won't miss anything important.

Yesterday I had a really odd night... We had a real rampage with our merry band SlingBlade87, Vizu, MidoriNoHonoo and some other people joining the fun, we had a lot of banter, fun and tears...  Yeah, while we enjoyed ourselves SlingBlade87 made sure with his works that we had a nice share of ugly sobbing too... Ok, at least me. My night looked like something this: being originally sad, uhh not good so sad but d'aww, WTF, indignation, laughing, grinning, laughing, shaking head while smirking, grinning more, uh-oh being scared, I was right being scared holy shit I'm crying, crying more, depressed, want to forget, wait they still have fun there let's laugh instead, having fun, having more fun, oh no I'm scared again, I'm terryfied, I was right being terryfied, ugly sobbing, more ugly sobbing, still ugly sobbing, depressed, and remaining depressed, let me sleep instead
Yeah it was like a real emotional roller coaster! I still didn't manage to get through on that mood... Those scenes lingered in my mind all day... I swear I can remember 5 fictional things which made me cry really badly, I mean REALLY badly and broke my heart and 2 of these are from SlingBlade87... I think this tells a lot...
My list of ugly sobbing is: Wolf's Rain, who ever saw it will know what I mean if I say Toboe... then the ending of Code Geass, then the scene from HP when Harry goes to "die" in the last book, and finally the last chapter from our Imperial AU which made me cry through a whole night and made me depressed for a whole week... and now these pieces which concluded Kaira's ultimate fate... and I'm still not ok.


A new year started but the sad thing is that I already hate it. I mean I already know about bad things that will happen, some will be painful and I'm depressed anyway some time now... I'm a champion of isolating myself from people and I feel comfortable with less and less people as time goes... I don't trust in others' intentions and doubt in myself more and more, feeling myself being useless and worthless like a slug under people's shoes...
And apparently people usually think I'm an egoist ass, as least that's what I get reading their messages when they're talking to me. I'll never be able to understand why some of you think I'm such a big artist with such a big ego! I mean I somewhat understand if you think I'm an ass but if I don't answer your messages I can assure you it's not because I'm that egoist above willing to answer you, or not caring about what you write to me it's just because I'm isolating myself a great deal lately and don't feel like interacting with people though I'm lonely as hell (heh try to understand me, good luck). So I don't know where this leads eventually, but I don't expect to improve in these things in the near future...


I can't believe I still owe people contest prizes and art trades! I have sketches yeah... months now actually... But I always find something else to draw! Damn me! I'm so useless!!

And I'm sure I wanted to write more interesting, cheerful stuff here but I always end up ranting about me being a useless piece of shit... Sorry about that! Next time I'll write a big happy journal, promise!

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rayn44
Rayn
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
Hungary
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"I get it just don't give a fuck."



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Commission Info






Commission info




Waist up: 10$ + 8$ for each extra character
Commission for Zerosukio by rayn44 Ferocious Games by rayn44

Full body:16$ + 12$ for each extra character
Commission for lordhadrian - 03 by rayn44 Commission for MandoGirl22 by rayn44

Short comics: price by arrangement
Commission for AdamAnt543 - 04 by rayn44 Commission for TheIrishRogue - 07 by rayn44 Commission for Vizu - 02 by rayn44

Please Read:


:bulletred: If you would like a detailed background that would cost additional fee depending on the complexity of the background.
:bulletred: I do only humanoid characters (I mean I can’t draw animals, different creatures, droids, vehicles, etc)
:bulletred: I DON’T draw nudity; hentai or hard yaoi/yuri, soft versions of these are ok
:bulletred: Payment: after approving the sketch - PAYPAL ONLY
:bulletred: I have to ask you to pay the paypal fee
:bulletred: For commissioning me write a NOTE
:bulletred: Send me references
:bulletred: Describe your character/scene/request as detailed as possible
:bulletred: And sorry, but I have the rights to refuse your request, if I feel that is more what I’m able to do with my limited skills or feel uncomfortable to draw it.
Thank you!

To do list








:bulletred: commission for :iconwilliamtrichardson:

:bulletred: contest prize for :iconkaelacroftart:
:bulletred: contest prize for :iconslingblade87:

:bulletred: art trade with :iconzetsubouzed:
:bulletred: fanfic cover for :iconslingblade87: 5x The Clone Wars
:bulletred: fanfic cover for :iconslingblade87: 1x Imperial AU, 2x Lost Lives AU
:bulletred: Aleema project for :iconslingblade87: part 1, part 2

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Jan 29, 2015
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What would your boggart look like (if taking the Harry Potter concept of a boggart)? 

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22 deviants said Comment

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:iconhardcase1:
hardcase1 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student Traditional Artist
Shinee Hug - Taemin and Jonghyun  EXO : ChenKai Hug  EXO : SeKai Hug LuKai : Hug 
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED!! Hug Huggle! 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)


RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send this to all your friends!
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:iconalexskulluterna:
AlexSkullUterna Featured By Owner 1 day ago
Happy bday!
Reply
:icondeathwatch116:
Deathwatch116 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015
Hi! I was wondering, out of the OC's you have created in the Star Wars universe, which one or few are your absolute favorites :3
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm... Well I have a few OCs hehe but my favs are Aira-ty (I bet you couldn't find out... x'D) Jesp and Grauzem. :3
Reply
:icondeathwatch116:
Deathwatch116 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015
Ah ok, thank you very much! Soon...
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:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
o˛o ?
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(1 Reply)
:iconspeedracerdude511:
speedracerdude511 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2015  Hobbyist
Hey I was wondering how you were doing? Have things gotten any better since your last journal?
Reply
:iconrayn44:
rayn44 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for your concern and sorry for not reacting to things lately I just don't really know what to say. I'm fine, it's not that bad as I might sound when I have a bad day, I'm actually ashamed that I make people uncomfortable with my stupid things... So, thank you and sorry!
Reply
:iconspeedracerdude511:
speedracerdude511 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2015  Hobbyist
I know what you mean, I've been there where you just have a really crappy day and in the midst of posting about it you kind of get carried away. I'm really glad to hear you're fine though. If you ever need anyone you need to vent to you can just note me up... even though we kind of hardly know each other at all... yeah sorry that might be a little awkward for you Ritsuko Akizuki Emote - Embarassed. You shouldn't feel ashamed for getting how you feel out on your journal though, a lot of the time it can help a lot to vent to people then get support from a lot of different sources, there's really no shame in that.
Reply
:iconb-312:
b-312 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey Rayn. look what i found. www.facebook.com/video.php?v=7… i wish this is what they were making instead of rebels
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